So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
