Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
