you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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