just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
