Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
