I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
