If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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