okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
