Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
