The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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