summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
