If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
