I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
