this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
