This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize