since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
