wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
