there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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