please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
