Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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