Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
