Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
