Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
