By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
