tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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