i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
