i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
