My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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