and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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