i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
