You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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