ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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