I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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