tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
