remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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