it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
that may or may not have been my penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
