Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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