so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
