My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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