I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did you just see the Batmobile???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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