I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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