I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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