Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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