what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
