i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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