Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
