My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
