I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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