If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
