If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
