kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
