That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
