Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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