I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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