That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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