Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
