i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
