what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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