Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
