Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
