please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
