I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
