Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
