i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
