you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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