So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
