well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
