Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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