Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
