I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
