As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
