Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
