none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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