So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
