i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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