You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize