i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
