good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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